It's a Brand New Day

It's a brand new day today. Even though it was cloudy and there was snow on the ground, it was a new day. I realized today how much of the holiday experience I have missed because of my involvement with the church. Giving time to the church is a very good thing, however, when it causes stress and the loss of the real meaning of these celebrations, it becomes an idol. I realized that today.

I woke up very sad. I missed by faith community deeply this morning. It seemed like an empty day. I went downstairs and turned on Ed Young. For a fundie, I really enjoy his messages. There are timely and easy to relate to. And I was fed this morning. Always a cool thing.

As I prepared for the onslaught of family coming, I moved in calmness. This is something new as well. I had purposely made things really easy for myself and it showed. I was busy, but it was a relaxed busy. As people started to arrive, I enjoyed myself. Brunch went off well, even though some of the egg dishes were a bit "cajun." Everyone had a great time. I love how the families get along and truly have fun.

Then this evening, we went to church as a family and I wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. Everyone enjoyed it. Thank you Jesus! They want to go back. Thank you Jesus! It is a brand new day. Again, I was fed by the message and the acceptance of the other worshipers. Of course, I'm known there, but it didn't matter. We were welcomed. Bad memories of betrayal, exploitation, and hypocrisy from the building, but it was different experience. A brand new day. Another chance at healing. New life begins all the time. Easter happens every day if we allow our eyes to be opened to seeing Jesus in the world. The Body of Christ is at work and present all around us. Alleluia, Christ has risen.

Patience is not my Virtue

One of my favorite "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strips shows Calvin sitting in school thinking, "I'm not going to look at the clock. I'm not going to look at the clock." The next panel shows him thinking, "One hour must have passed since I looked at the clock last." The last panel. . ."One minute? That's all that passed?" That is me. I have absolutely no patience. I want it when I want it; my time frame not anyone else's. Unfortunately, the rest of the world hasn't gotten that message. God certainly hasn't.

On this night before Easter, I imagine how Jesus' disciples must have felt. Scared? Alone? Feeling abandoned? Questioning Jesus' promise of resurrection? They only had to wait three days to discover the answer. Not too long, but I'm sure it felt like an eternity.

Our creaturely limitations prevent us from understand God's time frame. God works everywhere and in everytime. There is no way that we can even being to wrap our brain around that concept. That is where faith comes in to play. We just have to believe.

This week, I was reminded once again that God does answer prayers. I have been praying various versions of the Serenity Prayer for over two years. A few days ago, I experienced acceptance of a situation that I had been struggling deeply with for a while. I was able to take this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. It has been a powerful feeling. I know that my struggle for patience and need for things to work on my time frame will be an ongoing personal battle for me. However, it's times like this that give me hope. New life and new resurrection. It's there for all of us.

Pain sandwiched by Overwhelming Joy

One of my favorite authors is Anne Lamont. In her book Plan B, she says that we are Easter people living in a Good Friday World. That statement always struck me as so profound. The majority of us yearn to be happy, but there are so many things working against us. Iraq, the economy, foreclosures, people being shot. . . it goes on and on. The 24-hour news networks perpetuate this by focusing over and over on the same stories, looking for a new angle or expert who will confirm whatever the host of that time slot wants to push. I wonder how the media would respond if Jesus' execution happened today?

As Lutherans, it seems as though we spend so much of Lent preparing for Good Friday. It's such an ugly part of the story of Christianity. Yes, I understand the unbelievable huge significance of the event. Afterall, if Jesus would not have died the death he did, we would not be saved. However, do we focus so much on the suffering to the point that we lose both the celebration of the Table and the glory of the Resurrection?

A good friend of mine is a pastor within the Metropolitan Community Church. She described the service she was officiating last night - Holy Thursday. It was a celebration of the glory of the Table: the Communion as well as the communion of people. Everyone is welcome at the Table because Jesus is the host. That is an amazing truth to hold onto. Jesus showing his true servant leadership by washing the feet of the disciples. The meal they shared together; the conversation they had. It must have been amazing. We lose site of this magnificant event in the shadow of the Passion story. I think this makes Good Friday and especially Easter all that more powerful. We can choose to live in the despair of Good Friday or we can put it equally with both the Glory of the Table and the Glory of the Resurrection. Pain sandwiched by overwhelming joy. That is what life is all about: knowing that the pain is temporary. Joy will follow.

Lessons from Judas and Peter

I've been thinking about Judas and Peter a lot these days. Having recently experienced some really big betrayals and denials, it's natural they would be on my mind. As I've been trying to make sense of my personal experience, these questions have come to mind: Why is history so much kinder to Peter than to Judas? Which was worse - the betrayer or the denier?

I think it's interesting that Peter has been pardoned for his act of denying. It's almost like since it was predetermined that Peter was to be the rock that the church was going to built, the denying of Jesus as OK. It was like a right of passage. He does it, the rooster crows, he realizes what has happened, and probably says to himself, "man, why am I so weak?" What other affect does this have on him before he accepts it and uses the experience in order to fulfill his calling? Guilt? Shame? Does he play the scenes over and over again wishing he would have done something different? Does he go into a cycle of self-denial? Jesus said I would do this and so he understands. It's OK because I did it for the greater good of humanity and for the future of the Church.

But what about Judas? Was his act worse because it led to Jesus' death? Could his act have been more necessary because it directly led to the salvation and new life? I have heard that according to the Gospel of Judas, Jesus needed someone to be the betrayer and Judas agreed to be the one to do it. Judas sacrificed himself and his reputation for all time in order to play a part in realization of the Messianic promise. Judas helped usher in the Kingdom of God on Earth. It's an interesting thought. Without Judas leading the soldiers to the Garden of Gethsemane, there would have been no cross and no resurrection. It was a vital act in the entire story.

Now, don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that betrayal is a good thing. It's not. It's a very insidious act. However, there can be good that comes out of it if you can move through the death and into new life. That part pretty much sucks, but the new life is really cool.

So what about Peter the denier. Well I have to say, that's a really insidious act, too. For some reason, it feels like a more passive-aggressive act. Think about it: Judas betrays Jesus, Jesus is arrested, he's facing leaders and jeering crowds alone, and then when he's about to enter the worst part - BAM - Peter says, "Nope, don't know him." Jesus' closest ally runs when the going gets tough. OUCH! Peter had even said when Jesus told him that the denial was going to happen said, "Hey, not me. I wouldn't do that to you." Yet, he still did it. Doing what I know is right could lead to some really uncomfortable situations for me so, my personal survival is much more important.

Let's face it, both betrayal and denying are bad. You could even say that denial is a form of betrayal. That's a really true statement. Personally, the denial feels worse especially if the denier has guaranteed you of their support. It is the final act of abandonment at the time when you probably need that support the most.

So what do we do?

Even when Jesus was betrayed and denied, he was never alone. The Spirit was with him, experiencing his pain and surrounding him with strength. And not everyone left him. We know that the women disciples were there with him to the bitter end.

We are never abandoned either. The Spirit is always with us, strengthening us and breathing new life into us. You also find out who your true friends are during times of trial. Lean on them. We have our own internal power as well. Even though we may not be able to control the circumstances around us, we can decide how long our Good Friday vigil lasts. Grieve, cry out, question, feel, and then go to the tomb. Go and see the rock rolled away. Hear the angel proclaim new life. And then BELIEVE! Rejoice and revel in the new life that is and the possibility it brings.

And then forgive. Forgive your betrayers, forgive your deniers, and most importantly, forgive yourself. If you just can't forgive right now, that's OK. Ask God to do it for you. That's what Jesus did.

The acts of both Judas and Peter can teach us a lot. Insidious? Yes. Possible to survive? Yes. Result in new life? YES!

Let's just hope we don't have to personally experience it too often.