Lessons from Judas and Peter

I've been thinking about Judas and Peter a lot these days. Having recently experienced some really big betrayals and denials, it's natural they would be on my mind. As I've been trying to make sense of my personal experience, these questions have come to mind: Why is history so much kinder to Peter than to Judas? Which was worse - the betrayer or the denier?

I think it's interesting that Peter has been pardoned for his act of denying. It's almost like since it was predetermined that Peter was to be the rock that the church was going to built, the denying of Jesus as OK. It was like a right of passage. He does it, the rooster crows, he realizes what has happened, and probably says to himself, "man, why am I so weak?" What other affect does this have on him before he accepts it and uses the experience in order to fulfill his calling? Guilt? Shame? Does he play the scenes over and over again wishing he would have done something different? Does he go into a cycle of self-denial? Jesus said I would do this and so he understands. It's OK because I did it for the greater good of humanity and for the future of the Church.

But what about Judas? Was his act worse because it led to Jesus' death? Could his act have been more necessary because it directly led to the salvation and new life? I have heard that according to the Gospel of Judas, Jesus needed someone to be the betrayer and Judas agreed to be the one to do it. Judas sacrificed himself and his reputation for all time in order to play a part in realization of the Messianic promise. Judas helped usher in the Kingdom of God on Earth. It's an interesting thought. Without Judas leading the soldiers to the Garden of Gethsemane, there would have been no cross and no resurrection. It was a vital act in the entire story.

Now, don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that betrayal is a good thing. It's not. It's a very insidious act. However, there can be good that comes out of it if you can move through the death and into new life. That part pretty much sucks, but the new life is really cool.

So what about Peter the denier. Well I have to say, that's a really insidious act, too. For some reason, it feels like a more passive-aggressive act. Think about it: Judas betrays Jesus, Jesus is arrested, he's facing leaders and jeering crowds alone, and then when he's about to enter the worst part - BAM - Peter says, "Nope, don't know him." Jesus' closest ally runs when the going gets tough. OUCH! Peter had even said when Jesus told him that the denial was going to happen said, "Hey, not me. I wouldn't do that to you." Yet, he still did it. Doing what I know is right could lead to some really uncomfortable situations for me so, my personal survival is much more important.

Let's face it, both betrayal and denying are bad. You could even say that denial is a form of betrayal. That's a really true statement. Personally, the denial feels worse especially if the denier has guaranteed you of their support. It is the final act of abandonment at the time when you probably need that support the most.

So what do we do?

Even when Jesus was betrayed and denied, he was never alone. The Spirit was with him, experiencing his pain and surrounding him with strength. And not everyone left him. We know that the women disciples were there with him to the bitter end.

We are never abandoned either. The Spirit is always with us, strengthening us and breathing new life into us. You also find out who your true friends are during times of trial. Lean on them. We have our own internal power as well. Even though we may not be able to control the circumstances around us, we can decide how long our Good Friday vigil lasts. Grieve, cry out, question, feel, and then go to the tomb. Go and see the rock rolled away. Hear the angel proclaim new life. And then BELIEVE! Rejoice and revel in the new life that is and the possibility it brings.

And then forgive. Forgive your betrayers, forgive your deniers, and most importantly, forgive yourself. If you just can't forgive right now, that's OK. Ask God to do it for you. That's what Jesus did.

The acts of both Judas and Peter can teach us a lot. Insidious? Yes. Possible to survive? Yes. Result in new life? YES!

Let's just hope we don't have to personally experience it too often.