Lessons in Flight

I saw my first bumblebee of the season today. Bumblebees are pretty amazing creatures when you think about it. Aerodynamically, there are not supposed to be able to fly. They actually defy to laws of physics by taking flight. Why? Basically, because no one has told them that they can't fly.

Wouldn't it be great if we were able to block out all the messages that prevent us from flying? Personally, I would love to be able to do that. This week I got a couple of huge messages to remind me just how easy it is to let others dictate if you can fly or not. The first was from a former team mate of mine. Unfortunately my departure from this team was not smooth. If fact it was downright horrendous. For the past five months, I have had next to no contact with this person, yet they have already decided how I will act if I decide to return. This person has decided to tell me that I cannot fly. The second reminder came from a colleague of mine. A client came to her with some "feedback" (yes, code word for criticism) about my style, both facilitation and appearance. It was obvious that the complainer didn't think I could fly either, which is what my colleague had to share with me. However, my colleague believed that I could fly; believed that I had an openness to listen, discern, and make the best decision for the context.

Both of these conversations were big "aha's" for me. Let's face it, each conversation carried messages that I didn't measure up to a standard set by someone else. Each conversation related to very personal things about me, essentially the very essence of who I was. Each was given in a very direct way. It would have been easy for me to not only hear these criticisms of me, but actually BELIEVE what was being said. I could have let it define me and how I felt about myself, but I didn't. Wow! That was a freeing feeling.

So what was different for me? Well, in some ways not much. As a seasoned performer and facilitator, I've pretty much learned that you can't please everyone. I have a very definite style that isn't for everyone, and I'm pretty open about that. You want formal, it ain't me. You want lecture, that ain't me. I've become good at weighing the feedback within the context and deciding what I need to use and not.

But the other part that was truly freeing was the realization that in the first conversation, the feedback coming my way wasn't about me. This was full-out projection. It's a hard lesson that I continue to learn, that so many of the messages we receive from other people about ourselves have absolutely nothing to do with us. It's so much easier to tell someone else that they can't fly instead of facing the fact that it may be you that can't fly.

This week, I'm going to chose the way of the bumblebee and not listen to those who tell me that I can't fly. I'm going to fly to the greatest of my abilities.