Web of Assumption

I was in college before I learned the true meaning of the word assume: that when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. Like all people, I know that I assume things. I assume I know what people are thinking, what they mean by what they are saying, and what their behaviors mean. Assumptions are dangerous because they are not reality, but a projection of what we want reality to be. We create the picture to fit OUR needs regardless of what is the truth. How many conflicts happen because we don’t take a step back to gain objectivity? How much pain do we cause ourselves and others because we don’t want to admit that maybe we are wrong?

I’m currently reading “The Four Agreements.” It’s a fascinating book that challenges me to look at my own behaviors and admit that I allow myself to fall prey to what others say and think about me. One of the agreements is “Don’t Make Assumptions.” Essentially, the author says ask for clarification. Simple, yet powerful instructions. Unfortunately, it’s also easier said than done. When caught up in the emtionaliness of a conflict or discussion, it can be hard to take a freeze moment and step back. Yet, it can be one of the most powerful gifts we can give both ourselves and others.

Stephen Covey has been talking about this forever. In fact, one of his seven habits is seek first to understand and then to be understood. I think it is what Jesus personified on earth and what God provides us every single moment of our lives. And really, isn’t seeking to understand and not making assumptions is one of the key elements of grace?

Grace is such a mystery to me. Is it because I consider myself to be so unworthy that I have never experienced grace? Is it because grace is truly unconditional love and as humans, we have a hard time both giving and receiving unconditional love? I wish I had the answer. All I know is that I receive from God simply on the basis that I am God’s creation. God gave Jesus to us in order for us to receive grace. And God knows our struggles, what it’s like for us to be caught in this confusing web of life here on earth. We get stuck in the stickiness of the various parts of the web. We get scared because we can’t move, yet the more we struggle to get free, the more stuck we become. So how do we get out of this snare?

Well, we can’t do it alone. Like so many things in this life, we need help. The irony is that sometimes we need to feel the despair of isolation, the pit of loneliness in order to reach out. We have to stop struggling against the current situation and calm ourselves. We have the stop the web from vibrating to give us time because if we continue to fight, the vibrations will bring something that will suck us dry and swallow us up. Not a pretty picture, but the unfortunate truth. Fear of being sucked dry and swallowed up is a hard thought to let go of. Let’s face it; the thought brings about our most basic survival instinct of fight or flight. However, when neither is an option, the only thing left is surrender.

Now I believe that God doesn’t wait for us to surrender in order to send help. In fact, God sends us help constantly. The problem is that our fight or flight instinct can be so strong that we don’t recognize God’s help or presence. The vibrating web sends out so much interference that we can’t see or hear anything else. And this is the place that assumption lives, in the interference. Because we want answers and for things to make sense, we paint the picture we need to see. It feels like a momentary ceasing of the vibrations. The terrible “something” has been stopped. But here lies the problem: the assumptions we make actually cause more vibrations, but in different parts of the web. Being a web, everything is intertwined and so what happens in one part influences the rest. Since we are all part of the Body of Christ, woven together by the Spirit, the web doesn’t just vibrate us personally, but for the entire Body. Assumptions don’t just create interference for us, but for the entire web. That is, if we choose to listen to it.

I am easily distracted by the interference. This is one of my biggest problems. I read the agreement about “Don’t Make Assumptions” and agree 110%. However, when there are vibrations coming from so many parts of the web, it’s hard to tune them out. It’s hard to focus on surrendering when my fight or flight is in overdrive. But this is the time when it is most essential for me to just stop and freeze. Let the vibrations die down so you there is no interference. That is where God is. Until I can silence the noise and let the survival instinct pass, I will be vulnerable to being sucked dry and swallowed up. And frankly, I have no desire to be eaten alive in this way. Besides, if we look at the web as a metaphor for the Body of Christ, we have nothing to fear in the web. Being connected to one another is a good thing because the Spirit has woven us together. If we celebrate the strength and beauty of the web, suddenly the need to create our own picture through assumptions disappears. And the vibrations of the web become a type of communication between the various parts, with the Spirit acting as interpreter. Webs are works of art, bringing the intricacies of life together. It’s our choice if we consider it a trap or a miracle.

Build Where You Are!

Build where you currently are. These are the words that the Prophet Jeremiah shares with the nation of Israel during their exile in Babylon. Build where you are. Create a life that works for you because you are going to be here for awhile. Quit pining for what was or could be and deal with what is. Amazing how thousands of years later, we still need to hear these words spoken to us. How often do we wait for some future time in order to be happy? Or wish for what was? How much time do we waste, how much energy do we needlessly expend, and how many opportunities do we miss because we are so busy looking behind us at something that was or off in the distance towards something we can’t see? Instead, we should build where you currently are.

In some ways, however, this advice smacks against our current society. We are constantly encouraged to examine our past, look for trends, and learn from them. If we can reconcile our childhood experiences we can finally be happy. Or we are told that we should always have our eye on our future goal, because if we don’t have goals and objectives, we will never accomplish our greatest dreams. Our entire society seems to be based on the performance appraisal: what did you accomplish this past year and what do you want to accomplish in the next? But what about now? Do we really take the time to appreciate right now?

The Eastern religions get this. The Buddhists talk about the importance of mindfulness. They teach us to allow our minds and bodies to fully celebrate what is happening at the current moment; breathe – smells – touch – sounds. It all makes so much sense. We miss so much when our minds are distracted by watching the movies of the past or writing the script of the future. By focusing on the present, we give ourselves the gift of presence. We give ourselves the gift of openness to receive the presence of the Spirit. It’s through the Spirit that we can build where we currently are, to focus on the present needs of our neighbors. It’s through the Spirit that we can love our neighbor fully and freely without the baggage of past or future. The Spirit allows us to see and respond to the current needs of the world around us. Be present in the present . . .and be joyful where you are. After all, you are going to be where you are for awhile.