False Evidence Appearing Real

I recently heard that the word fear can be an acronym standing for False Evidence Appearing Real. Isn’t that the truth? I can’t tell you the number of times that I fear situations or people because I think that all “evidence” must be real. But the fact is, all evidence is not real no matter how objective or true it appears. The question that I struggle with is how do I discern between the “real” and “false?”

In three weeks, I will come face to face with two people whom have been very judgmental of me. Both of them have participated in the mobbing and secondary wounding that I have experienced since leaving my church. At times, I am overtaken with fear at the thought of seeing these people. To increase my fear, there will also be people who are still members of my church at this same event. People, whom I have to assume, no nothing of what transpired between myself and church leadership except, but who know that I “disappeared” after I left my position.

Intellectually I know that nothing bad will happen. Most likely, one of the two offenders will go out of their way to ignore me. Fine by me! The other may make some sort of contact because it will look good, but that might not even occur. However, the others that are attending will want to talk to me, see what I’ve been up to, how school is going, etc. That is where my true fears lie. And besides, I’m a terrible liar. When they say, “Haven’t seen you around much” I frankly want to say, “Yes, well, not all are welcome.” Part of me thinks why shouldn’t I be honest? However, another part of me knows that it is not productive to anyone to stoop to this level. This internal conflict of what to say and what not to say frankly causes a great amount of fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of what will be said about me back at my former church. Fear of what has been said about me already. Fear that I will lash out at the two offenders, giving them a taste of their own medicine. Fear that I will not enjoy myself at the event.
Scholars tell us that there are 365 Fear Not’s in the Bible. Yep, one for every day of the year. God tells us to not believe the false evidence. God’s evidence is the only one that matters. However, this is easier said than done. When I am overtaken by my created fear, I try to remind myself that it is tempting to react based on the false evidence. I can react differently, however. I can put on the shield of compassion, love, grace, and forgiveness. With this shield, I can react with love and kindness. And there will be nothing to fear, except the fear itself.

Appreciating Gifts

I’ve been thinking a lot about gifts lately; more specifically, my personal strengths. It’s been an interesting journey for me, to get back in touch with my strengths. Why? Well, for the past year, many of the messages that I received were that my gifts were actually weaknesses. Not only weaknesses, they were aspects that I needed to change. As I write that, I see the absolute absurdity of that statement. Yet how often do we allow individuals, companies, culture, and most importantly, ourselves, minimize our God-given strengths. It’s easy to do. How many of us go through an annual performance review where our strengths and weaknesses are compared to a predetermined set of criteria? We are told that we should be well-rounded individuals and, if we work on our weaknesses, we can attain that. And what happens we reach this pinnacle of achievement? Well if we’re lucky, it means a higher position, more money, and prestige. I think there are individuals out there can truly can become master’s of all, but for most of us, the idea of being an expert in all areas is impossible.

Personally, I have spent most of the past seven or eight years accepting both my gifts and weaknesses. As part of this journey, I have worked to appreciate the gifts that others bring to the table versus being threatened by them. For me, it’s very easy to feel inadequate when another person is able to do something that I think that I should be able to do because of my position or that I wish that I could do. It’s taken me a long time to become comfortable with the fact that relying on someone else’s strengths is not a sign of my inadequacy, but of mutual strength. It’s not been an easy journey. Like most of us, I am mercilessly plagued by the imposter syndrome. You know that syndrome – the one that if people found out what you could really do, they would be totally disappointed. Yep, that’s the one. It’s so easy for me to fall victim to this. And watch out if I do because I am like a mother bear protecting her cubs – vicious and attacking. In my more sane moments though (which is most of the time), I recognize that it is ludicrous to think that I would be able to do everything well. I also remind myself that I do not judge other people when they are not able what I can do. Fact of the matter, I like to be able to share my gifts to help someone else or the team. A recent experience reminded just how important it is for me to continue to accept my own gifts and those of others.

I am currently helping plan a Town Hall forum. Frankly, I love the organization of this whole event, especially the logistical end of it. It’s like a big puzzle to me, trying to get all the pieces to fit without any of them falling on the floor. One of the people who just joined the committee has a lot of experience in event planning. This person is so sweet and we are lucky to have her. But she started to send emails with suggestions: make sure you do this, talk to this person, etc. In addition, she pointed out some typos in some of my communications. At first, I was really taken aback, thinking to myself, “Hey, I’ve got this under control.” And then reason took over: why wouldn’t I use this person’s experience to help make this whole event run even more smoothly? Now that’s a BFO – a Blinding Flash of the Obvious. So instead of feeling threatened by her, I decided to ask if she would be in charge of set-up, using her experience to assure that the flow of traffic would be the most efficient. In addition, I asked if she would be willing to be my proofer to assure that future communications would be as error-free as possible. Using everyone’s strengths to the fullest advantage is what it is all about.

This is what God wants us to do as well. God didn’t give us our gifts to hoard them, but to use them to the greatest glory. Using them also means allow others to use their gifts. It is just like the image that Paul gives the church at Corinth. We are all part of the same body of Christ and no part is better than another. The body can’t move if its parts are all jockeying for control. We MUST all work together. It’s only then that God’s Kingdom can be realized here on earth.