False Evidence Appearing Real

I recently heard that the word fear can be an acronym standing for False Evidence Appearing Real. Isn’t that the truth? I can’t tell you the number of times that I fear situations or people because I think that all “evidence” must be real. But the fact is, all evidence is not real no matter how objective or true it appears. The question that I struggle with is how do I discern between the “real” and “false?”

In three weeks, I will come face to face with two people whom have been very judgmental of me. Both of them have participated in the mobbing and secondary wounding that I have experienced since leaving my church. At times, I am overtaken with fear at the thought of seeing these people. To increase my fear, there will also be people who are still members of my church at this same event. People, whom I have to assume, no nothing of what transpired between myself and church leadership except, but who know that I “disappeared” after I left my position.

Intellectually I know that nothing bad will happen. Most likely, one of the two offenders will go out of their way to ignore me. Fine by me! The other may make some sort of contact because it will look good, but that might not even occur. However, the others that are attending will want to talk to me, see what I’ve been up to, how school is going, etc. That is where my true fears lie. And besides, I’m a terrible liar. When they say, “Haven’t seen you around much” I frankly want to say, “Yes, well, not all are welcome.” Part of me thinks why shouldn’t I be honest? However, another part of me knows that it is not productive to anyone to stoop to this level. This internal conflict of what to say and what not to say frankly causes a great amount of fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of what will be said about me back at my former church. Fear of what has been said about me already. Fear that I will lash out at the two offenders, giving them a taste of their own medicine. Fear that I will not enjoy myself at the event.
Scholars tell us that there are 365 Fear Not’s in the Bible. Yep, one for every day of the year. God tells us to not believe the false evidence. God’s evidence is the only one that matters. However, this is easier said than done. When I am overtaken by my created fear, I try to remind myself that it is tempting to react based on the false evidence. I can react differently, however. I can put on the shield of compassion, love, grace, and forgiveness. With this shield, I can react with love and kindness. And there will be nothing to fear, except the fear itself.