Dear God . . .

Dear God . . .I’m trying to make this a mantra for myself. One of the many lessons I have learned during this recent journey is I have an enormous need to control outcomes. The need to control has led me to do and say things that, although very true, don’t change the ultimate outcome. My need to control has led me to hold onto beliefs and emotions that have gotten in the way of my healing. My need to control outcomes has hurt me more than helped. It’s a hard thing to admit.

A common phrase many Christians say during times of trouble is “Let Go, Let God.” It’s a simple and beautiful phrase reminding each of us of God’s love and ultimate power. For those of us who have a great need to control, this is one of the hardest things to do. This is surrender. This is admitting defeat. This is admitting I can’t change a situation. This is admitting I am powerless. Yet, isn’t this what being a Child of God is all about? Doesn’t loving and obeying God mean we put our trust in God?

A friend and I were talking recently about the different situations in our lives. She made one of those off-handed comments that stuck me like a bolt of lightning: “We just have a hard time giving stuff over to God.” BAM! It was the smack in the forehead that I needed. During the past two weeks, I have begun the process of praying “Dear God . . .”whenever I begin my pattern of thinking of what I can do next to change the outcome of the numerous betrayals I have experienced. And you know what, it works. I have felt lighter and happier recently. Nothing has changed about my situation except me. By asking God to take my anger, hurt, and resentment from me, God has. Now, this hasn’t been an immediate feeling of relief. I know enough about myself to know I turn over the feeling I have at that exact moment. As much as I would like to turn over the whole enchilada, I don’t work that way. By focusing on the feeling of the moment, however, I do find relief and peace. And those little, incremental acts are beginning to add up to some big returns. As the Chinese proverb says, “The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.” Little by little, step by step, I am rediscovering my trust in God. And isn’t trust the foundation of any relationship? Dear God . . .