All Are Welcome* (*Except those who . . .)

Let’s face it; most of us want to be part of a group. It starts in elementary school and continues through the rest of our lives. In my neighborhood, there are a group of women who spend a weekend in the cities to “get away.” I’m never invited. I’d like to say it doesn’t bother me, but it does. You see, I’ve been on the outside looking in for much of my life. Feeling excluded – tough stuff.

As I’ve been researching for my capstone on workplace bullying, I come across some interesting information on the power of exclusion and the damage it inflicts on the one being excluded. Here is just a small sampling:

"Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realize the emotional or physical harm that is being done. Some purposely hurt others by not inviting them to a party or ignoring them at work, and others may not even realize they are ostracizing someone when they ignore a new temporary employee or a friend after a disagreement.”

"The anterior cingulate cortex is the part of the brain that detects pain. When you give someone the silent treatment you are causing that person physical pain. Simply by ignoring someone else’s existence you can inflict pain on them.”

So, excluding someone or giving them the silent treatment is truly akin to beating the person up. However, the bruises and scars can’t be seen. That’s what makes it so insidious.

As I reflect on my church experience, I can tell you the ostracizing and rejection has been the most painful. Although I don’t like it, I can handle flat out, in-your-face aggression much better than the passive-aggressive attack of silence. It screams at me, letting me know I don’t matter. And really, isn’t that the intent. It’s an extraordinarily powerful punishment.

Lewis Smedes wrote an excellent book entitled “Shame and Grace.” In this book, he talks about our greatest fear regarding shame is rejection by a community. BINGO! Rejecting someone by refusing to acknowledge their existence sends a clear message – there is something wrong with YOU. Not your actions, not your behaviors, but YOU. YOU are so horrible that I refuse to even acknowledge your very existence.

If you Google “shunning by church” or “church discipline”, the majority (and dare I say all) of the responses relate to conservative or evangelical churches. A minister or elder judges someone’s actions to be sinful and takes in upon themselves to demand repentance or expulsion from the church body. But here’s the ugly truth – it happens in liberal congregations as well. But, their actions are much more covert and passive aggressive. Often, the liberal congregations just make it so hostile that it is impossible to worship there. They stonewall you, prevent you from participating, and spread rumors about you. Some will even break ethical codes to share things with other to recruit others to help them in their campaign to let you know you are not worthy or welcome.

This is not what Jesus preaches. And it is wrong.

Jesus embraced those whom society and the synagogues deemed unworthy and rejected. Jesus did most of his work in the streets, not in the temple. I often wonder if Jesus would enter many of churches today, overturn tables, and call many of the leaders and members hypocrites. Jesus preached a Gospel of inclusion, of acceptance, and of love.

Last time I checked, there was no asterisk to Jesus’ message. All are loved because they are precious creations of God. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul; love your neighbor as yourself. That's all we really need.