I sometimes worry that I'm losing touch with my faith. Since I am between church families and not working at a church anymore, I feel as though I'm not living out my faith as "out front" as I was before. And it bothers me. Sure, I'm going to seminary right now and reading a lot about theology, but this makes faith becomes more of an academic endeavor than personal. So, I guess that means it's time to start getting serious about finding a more permanent church home; or do I go back to where I was worshiping. This is one of "the questions" that I'm dealing with right now.

I was born and raised Lutheran. I'm currently attending a Lutheran seminary. I have a hard time thinking about leaving the Lutheran church. In the past, I've been very coy about my denominational thinking that it really doesn't matter what type of church you attend because it's all about God. And to some extent I still believe that. More important to me now, though, is does the theology and service meet my needs. The name of the game for me: liberal theology and no organ.

Maybe my expectations are just too high. That's what my "current" church set for me. I'm really looking for another church like this. So I continue to ask the question of myself: do I go back? After being hurt so badly by them, do I take the risk and say, "this is my church and more importantly God's church.

Trying to control the uncontrollable. If that's not like a hamster running on a wheel, I don't know what else it is. Yet, everyone seems to get lost in trying to control an outcome to a situation or force others to behave in another way. The problem with this is that we don't always get to control situations or people don't behave like we want them to. Frankly, that sucks!

Today I'm thinking about grief. I know, it's a funny subject to be thinking about during the holiday season yet; it's what's on my mind. I think it's because I know so many people dealing with substantial changes in their lives. And with change comes death to something else. And with death, comes grief. This is true whether the change is good or bad; planned or unplanned; wanted or not wanted. Change brings death to something else.

The question that enters my mind is why "we" are so reluctant to let people grieve? Is it because seeing someone else in grief reminds us of our own unresolved pain? Is it because grief is so raw? Is it that we believe that we don't have a right to grieve? Of course, I don't have the answer to any of these questions. But I do know that when I am in pain, to not receive empathy for that pain or to be told that I have past the point when I should still be in pain is extraordinarily hurtful. In fact, it just adds to the pain.

I know someone whose husband unexpect